Now that it is 1:16 on Friday morning, before it gets to be too much later, here is my “Thankful Thursday...”
I am SO thankful that we have a personal God who can handle us pouring our hearts out to Him while at the same time understanding our hearts and still loves us unconditionally!
Tonight was a heart-to-heart prayer and a written conversation seeking His will for Brandon and I’s life as individuals and as a couple. It was a cry for help and guidance in what He has planned for us in the future, as well as in day-to-day life. I expressed my open and honest feelings about what my heart longs for.
My heart longs for our future house in the country and everything else that will come with that. As much as my heart longs for that dream to come true (and obviously sooner rather than later), deep down though and beyond any other “want”, there is NOTHING I want more than to be in His will and to have His will be fulfilled in our lives, both as Christians and as people.
My fleshed heart can play tricks on me though. Most of the time I don’t allow the “waiting game” to effect me, but then there are times when I allow it to overcome me (and clearly today/tonight is one of those times haha). It’s weird because I don’t struggle at all with believing and knowing that our future place WILL happen and that it IS apart of God’s will for our lives, but it’s the process where my faith lacks sometimes. I hate that it does, but if I’m being honest, then it does haha.
But I have learned 2 things about myself by writing this letter, this prayer:
1 - When I pray for our future and for His help in the process of reaching that future, I always expect Him to answer my requests right then and there, and although I could be wrong, it seems like He rarely does that sort of thing. I'm not saying that He doesn't work in that way, it just seems like He doesn't do it very often. So basically with me expecting Him to answer "my" immediate requests, I’m unintentionally taking it into my own hands by not fully trusting and giving God the room to work things out in His way, which is as I said before is my #1 goal in life as well as in this whole process of reaching our future goals/dreams...which brings me to my 2nd reason...
2 - I get SO caught up in making sure that I am doing the right things to be in His will (and yes, there is such a thing) that I worry and stress so much over doing so, which therefore again leads to me “taking control” in a way over the situation and not allowing God to just “work it out”.
Sooo by the end of all this, I will do my very best to “let it all go” and to stop trying to take control over it and just wait and see what God does. After all, another one of my #1 goals in this future house stuff is that I want God to get ALL the glory, praise, honor, and credit for what He does for us and for His people. I don't want others to see us as being winners of our dreams, but that they see God's work and miracles through this whole process, and that it is through Him and ONLY HIM that we were able to reach our goal/dream. We want His presence and anointing to be seen throughout this whole thing adventure. But I do ask for prayers for this, as this will not always be easy to do, especially in the warmer seasons as it is in those times when I REALLY long for and desperately want our house and to begin our journey in the country!!